So, I used to believe that dating or being in a relationship would distract me from achieving my goals, making money, and completing my to-do list. As a result, I actively avoided dating and remained single from the age of 23 until I was about 27. During this time, I successfully maintained celibacy for 1,000 consecutive days.

Looking back, I have no regrets about this period of my life. It allowed me to develop a strong sense of self-love and fully focus on building my creative career. However, I have no intention of living like that again.

When I say "live like that again," what I really mean is that I won't allow myself to believe that dating or being in a relationship is a distraction. Or at least, that's what I used to think.

If we examine the word "distraction," it refers to something that prevents someone from giving their full attention to something else. The truth is, someone or something only becomes a distraction when clear boundaries haven't been set. In the context of dating or being in a relationship, they are not the distractions themselves; it's just a matter of establishing boundaries to know when to prioritize the relationship and when to focus on other aspects of life.

So, in today's blog, I want to discuss the most significant lessons I've learned about the dating process, what it takes to maintain a healthy relationship, and how to effortlessly incorporate it into your life without feeling guilty.

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1. Clarify Your Desires in a Partner

This may sound obvious, but it is extremely important for you to have a clear understanding of what you are looking for in an ideal partner. By doing so, you can easily identify certain characteristics, traits, or interests that stand out when you meet different people, prompting you to learn more about them.

When considering an ideal partner, think about:

• Their core values or beliefs
• Their hobbies or passions
• Their personality
• Their characteristics or traits
• Their life and career goals
• Their definition of success
• Their desire for a family and children

These are just a few things to get your thoughts flowing, and there may be other factors to consider as well.

I remember when I first met Kate in March of 2022, several things stood out to me about her. She had read the book The Surrender Experiment, which I absolutely loved, indicating that we shared similar mindsets and interests. She prioritized her wellness and enjoyed practicing yoga, aligning well with the healthy lifestyle I was pursuing. She valued travel and had visited over 20 countries, which fascinated me as I had a desire to explore more of the world. She had a strong group of friends, highlighting her appreciation for community, which was also important to me. Lastly, she was stunning from head to toe, and I was immediately drawn to her.

These were all positive signs that encouraged me to pursue her further.

If you are unsure of what you are looking for, you may end up wasting time, energy, and even money chasing after the wrong people. I know this from personal experience, as it left me feeling lost, lonely, and unfulfilled because I realized that the individuals I was pursuing did not align deeply with my own values. I had to reassess and clarify what I truly wanted in an ideal partner.

Once I did that, I found Kate.

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2. Slow & Steady Wins The Race

I once heard a great quote: "You will never regret going too slow, but you can regret going too fast." I believe this mindset is crucial when entering the dating world. Rather than going all-in right from the start, it's important to take things slowly and carefully.

While it's true that there are plenty of fish in the sea, it's easy to get caught up in the excitement of pursuing the next person who catches your eye. However, it's essential to be intentional about where you invest your time, energy, and effort. Just as you evaluate the other person, they should also be vetting you.

When I met Kate, our attraction grew quickly. We had similar interests, goals, and lifestyles, and everything just clicked. It was effortless to talk to her, which was a positive sign. I believe she felt the same way about me, hopefully! Despite this, we still took our time. In the first couple of weeks, we only saw each other once or maybe twice a week. Gradually, we started spending more time together throughout the week. Eventually, we began incorporating our friends into our hangouts, which helped us build a deeper relationship and integrate our lives.

If you're looking to take things slow with someone, I recommend starting with a coffee date. This is a great way to gauge if there's any spark between you. If there is, you can plan a dinner or something more committed for the following date.

Remember, both your time and their time are valuable. The first date is simply a quick evaluation to determine if there's potential. If there is, try to schedule a weekly date and trust your intuition on when to take the next steps. If the first date doesn't go well, don't worry. Keep your eyes open for someone new.

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3. Communication Is the Foundation of a Healthy Relationship

I am someone who is direct and honest in my communication. I don't shy away from expressing my thoughts in a respectful manner, even when it's uncomfortable.

However, when it comes to speaking up in my relationship, I faced a challenge. A combination of avoiding conflict, dealing with past relationship traumas, and wanting to keep everything to myself made it difficult for me to share my feelings.

A recent example of this was when I realized I had a lot on my plate for my business, my full-time career at Liquid I.V., and some upcoming life changes on January 15th. Instead of keeping all of this to myself, I communicated to Kate that this week was going to be demanding for me. I wanted her to be aware in case I appeared stressed, overwhelmed, or less present in our relationship. She listened to me, empathized, and encouraged me, understanding that it would be a busy week. By communicating in advance, it gave her the context to understand why I might be acting differently in the upcoming days.

Effective communication can involve:

• Avoiding mind games and being straightforward when getting to know someone.
• Sharing your emotions on both good and bad days.
• Speaking up when something doesn't feel right, so that you can be heard and understood.
• Recognizing and acknowledging what someone is going through.

Communication is a skill that improves with practice. Whether you're just getting to know someone or have been with your partner for years, never underestimate the power of communication. It's not optional; it's a crucial requirement for a healthy relationship.

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4. Your Productivity Doesn’t Decrease

To all those productivity enthusiasts who believe that their output will decrease because they are dating or in a relationship, you are mistaken.

We all know that pressure can create diamonds, right? When you start incorporating someone into your life, it does take time away from other things. However, it actually creates a healthy amount of pressure for you to complete tasks in a timely manner.

Instead of feeling like you have endless time to get things done and taking a leisurely approach to the day, you find a way to accomplish the same amount of work in a shorter period of time.

You become more focused and eliminate distractions, prioritizing what needs to be done. Tasks that used to take 30 minutes now take 12 minutes. The time it takes for you to get into a state of focused work in the morning significantly decreases because you don't have time to waste, resulting in increased productivity.

During the peak of my social media growth on TikTok and Instagram, I was also just a few months into a relationship with Kate. It's interesting timing that I experienced the most growth on social platforms in 6 years while also being in a relationship for the first time in a decade.

Your productivity doesn't decrease; if anything, it increases because you are compelled to accomplish the same amount of work in a shorter period of time.

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5. Design It Into Your Life

Show me your calendar, and I will show you what you prioritize. It's as simple as that. Designing my relationship into my life hasn't been perfect right from the start; it's been a game of trial and error. I see what works, what doesn't, and then give myself permission to make adjustments. Chatting with Kate about other possible solutions has been crucial.

Here are a couple of ways I prioritize our relationship in my day and week:

• Having coffee with Kate in the morning before we start working
• Going for an afternoon walk with her and our dog Storm
• Establishing a firm "stop" working time at 6 p.m. every day
• Scheduling weekly or biweekly date nights
• Exploring new parts of Austin together on the weekends
• Booking travel on our calendars months in advance

Now, to be honest, Kate recently had to remind me not to work on the weekend. It was a great example of me overstepping and trying to blend work and our relationship in the same morning, which didn't work. It wasn't fair to her for me to be in a bad mood during our coffee shop adventure. Moving forward, I will lower my output expectations on the weekend. If I manage to get any work done, it's a win, but it's not necessary.

Taking responsibility to prioritize our relationship at certain moments throughout our day and week helps ensure that the relationship receives the love and attention it deserves.

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Bonus: Life Is Much More Enjoyable When Experienced With Someone

Please remember, this is coming from someone who was single for most of their life, aside from a few casual relationships before meeting Kate.

I cherished that journey for the experiences, lessons, and independence it brought into my life. It played a significant role in shaping who I am today. However, after experiencing life and building a partnership with someone who is my mirror image, it feels truly magical.

Finding someone special who shares your goals, mindsets, and interests takes time, energy, and effort. But they will unlock life experiences and personal growth that you never thought were possible. When you find that person, you will feel a deeper sense of purpose and belonging.

However, it's important to give yourself permission to try. In February 2020, I had a mental breakdown because no women showed interest in me. The problem was that I hadn't put any energy into dating or creating opportunities to meet someone. I couldn't expect my life to change if I wasn't actively making changes.

Timing is everything, and I understand this better than anyone. So trust the process and know that when you find that special someone, you'll be grateful that you took the chance.

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Questions from the community

Evan: How to make it not a distraction

As we discussed today, get very clear on pockets of time during your week for when you will prioritize dating or the relationship and schedule it in. This will help you know when to focus in on it which will allow you to stay focused on other important aspects of your life outside of those windows of time.

Jacki: How you move your body daily to show up as a good partner

I move my body daily because it allows me to show up as the best version of me. That’s why I prioritize it first thing in the morning so that I can get it out of the way and feel good which affects how I show up in the relationship.

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Challenge for you

Are you carving out enough time for dating life or your current relationship?

If not, I want this episode to be the catalyst for you taking responsibility to prioritize it in your life.

Schedule it into your weekly calendar so you know when to prioritize it.